What does the word “Bankers” rhyme with? Tankers? Close. Rankers? Not really. Ah, I see by the smile on your face you have worked it out.
British banks are wonderful things aren’t they? Imagine if you will that you are incredibly rich. You live in a whacking great big house, several cars, acres and acres of land, and all the Polo Ponies you could ever possibly eat. You work in the City earning more in one lunch time than some poor sods will clock up in a lifetime of toil and drudgery. No doubt, every single day of your life, your post box is full of offers and offers of money from a variety of high street banks at almost laughably low interest rates? Lovely. Now the scene switches. You are now a single parent in a nasty area of town. You work two days a week in the local supermarket and a couple of nights here and there in various pubs. Your children and you survive in your one bedroom flat on a terribly unhealthy diet of micro chips and blue pop. You are in debt up to your eyeballs and everywhere you turn there seems to be another bill leaping up to snatch away any tiny sum of money you may have. You desperately need financial help, so you go to your bank and explain your situation. When they have finished pissing themselves and wiping the tears of mirth from their eyes, they will no doubt show you the walls, the floor and then the door quicker than you can say “F*CK OFF”. You end up going to a money lender and eventually losing your flat, your pride and your knee caps. All thanks to British banks! HOORAH FOR LLOYDS TSB!
Banks survive in this bizarre world of altered logic. You write a cheque for £21.54 for some shopping. If the bank had decided to honour this cheque it would have taken your account £4.26 into the red. So instead, they bounce the cheque. They then write you a letter, telling you they have bounced this cheque as it would have taken you £4.26 overdrawn. They also tell you that because they have written you this letter telling you this, they are going to charge you £35 for doing it. Because of this, instead of being only £4.26 overdrawn as you would have been if they had honoured the cheque in the first place, you are now £17.72 overdrawn. This will then no doubt give them carte blanche to fire off any number of further letters telling you about how overdrawn you are and charging you like a wounded Elephant in the process. HOORAH FOR LLOYDS TSB!
Banks only survive by keeping as many people in the red as they can. They are like parasites, slowly bleeding the host to death to keep themselves alive. Most have all the conscience and general decency of a particularly loathsome and down at heel psychotic cockroach with a personality disorder and halitosis. They are merchant bankers of the highest order and they deserve to rot in Room 101 for eternity. HOORAH FOR LLOYDS TSB!
British banks are wonderful things aren’t they? Imagine if you will that you are incredibly rich. You live in a whacking great big house, several cars, acres and acres of land, and all the Polo Ponies you could ever possibly eat. You work in the City earning more in one lunch time than some poor sods will clock up in a lifetime of toil and drudgery. No doubt, every single day of your life, your post box is full of offers and offers of money from a variety of high street banks at almost laughably low interest rates? Lovely. Now the scene switches. You are now a single parent in a nasty area of town. You work two days a week in the local supermarket and a couple of nights here and there in various pubs. Your children and you survive in your one bedroom flat on a terribly unhealthy diet of micro chips and blue pop. You are in debt up to your eyeballs and everywhere you turn there seems to be another bill leaping up to snatch away any tiny sum of money you may have. You desperately need financial help, so you go to your bank and explain your situation. When they have finished pissing themselves and wiping the tears of mirth from their eyes, they will no doubt show you the walls, the floor and then the door quicker than you can say “F*CK OFF”. You end up going to a money lender and eventually losing your flat, your pride and your knee caps. All thanks to British banks! HOORAH FOR LLOYDS TSB!
Banks survive in this bizarre world of altered logic. You write a cheque for £21.54 for some shopping. If the bank had decided to honour this cheque it would have taken your account £4.26 into the red. So instead, they bounce the cheque. They then write you a letter, telling you they have bounced this cheque as it would have taken you £4.26 overdrawn. They also tell you that because they have written you this letter telling you this, they are going to charge you £35 for doing it. Because of this, instead of being only £4.26 overdrawn as you would have been if they had honoured the cheque in the first place, you are now £17.72 overdrawn. This will then no doubt give them carte blanche to fire off any number of further letters telling you about how overdrawn you are and charging you like a wounded Elephant in the process. HOORAH FOR LLOYDS TSB!
Banks only survive by keeping as many people in the red as they can. They are like parasites, slowly bleeding the host to death to keep themselves alive. Most have all the conscience and general decency of a particularly loathsome and down at heel psychotic cockroach with a personality disorder and halitosis. They are merchant bankers of the highest order and they deserve to rot in Room 101 for eternity. HOORAH FOR LLOYDS TSB!
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